Forever Fighting

Some battles can't be won. They will go on forever, victory teetering between the two sides. Such is the case with the war against Ana. For now... She is winning... And I am glad.

I am numb

     I feel like such a failure. I have gained 6lbs and I hate myself but I keep having horrible days and then I come home and I cry all alone in my house by myself and I end up siting on my kitchen floor eating everything I can get my hands on, and for a split second I feel better, and the almost as soon as that feeling arrives it comes crashing down into a pit of self hatred and loathing and I end up wishing i could purge and taking pills or burning my wrists just to numb the pain. Then I sleep for ever so that I can dream and get away from my life, because when I dream I am perfect, and I no longer hate myself, and the world no longer hates me. Its when I wake up that the real nightmare begins, because by then my family is home and I get to feel even more worthless as they yell at me and call me degrading names and further convince me that everything that I hate about my self is true. It is true after all. I am all the things they say, because they aren’t the only ones that say them. I am constantly reminded by everyone just how hideous I am. And that I why I will never get better. That I why I can never love myself. That is why Ana will always have a tight grip on my life. Because according to the world, she is the only thing that can ever make me beautiful, and in my head she will make sure she is always number one. I can never win. I will always be running in this endless circle, until someone comes and kills Ana and rips her from my head. This is why I suffer… It’s because I am numb.

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.

~Oscar Wilde~

theeskellington3:

peanutnut:

s-xtr3me:

gr8shytbr0:

This is a picture of my best friend and her boyfriend. Normal concert photo, right? Well, look closer in the back where the red circle is. Can you see the face? 
This isn’t just some normal chain letter. My friend and her boyfriend died 3 nights after this picture was taken, the police having no idea how they died considering they were both 15 and perfectly healthy. 
It turns out a boy died at that venue a few years ago at a concert. He was in the mosh pit and he hit his head and then a few nights later he was found dead in his bedroom from his skull broken and slowly bleeding to death. 
If you don’t reblog this within an hour, you’ll hear faint music playing for 3 nights straight. On the 4th night, the boy will come from your closet while you’re getting ready for bed and kill you for not helping us put his soul at rest.
This is not fake. 3 people have already died from not passing this on. 
OH MY F’CKING GOD.
Im crying holy fuck
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
im such a pussy lol
im not taking a chance . 
Sorry but I don’t wanna die

OKAY YEA SORRY I DONT WANNA DIE OKAY FJEBF OMG ^^^^

my dear followers don’t unfollow me for this but i am crying right now seriously :c and I’m a paranoid person so

Thanks for scaring the shit outta me.
^^^WHYYYY???

SORRY GUYS I’M JUST SUPER SUPERSTITIOUS…… thanks a lot who ever posted this… scared me to death… literally had a panic attack when I saw the face… :-/

theeskellington3:

peanutnut:

s-xtr3me:

gr8shytbr0:

This is a picture of my best friend and her boyfriend. Normal concert photo, right? Well, look closer in the back where the red circle is. Can you see the face? 

This isn’t just some normal chain letter. My friend and her boyfriend died 3 nights after this picture was taken, the police having no idea how they died considering they were both 15 and perfectly healthy. 

It turns out a boy died at that venue a few years ago at a concert. He was in the mosh pit and he hit his head and then a few nights later he was found dead in his bedroom from his skull broken and slowly bleeding to death. 

If you don’t reblog this within an hour, you’ll hear faint music playing for 3 nights straight. On the 4th night, the boy will come from your closet while you’re getting ready for bed and kill you for not helping us put his soul at rest.

This is not fake. 3 people have already died from not passing this on. 

OH MY F’CKING GOD.

Im crying holy fuck

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

im such a pussy lol

im not taking a chance . 

Sorry but I don’t wanna die

OKAY YEA SORRY I DONT WANNA DIE OKAY FJEBF OMG ^^^^

my dear followers don’t unfollow me for this but i am crying right now seriously :c and I’m a paranoid person so

Thanks for scaring the shit outta me.

^^^WHYYYY???

SORRY GUYS I’M JUST SUPER SUPERSTITIOUS…… thanks a lot who ever posted this… scared me to death… literally had a panic attack when I saw the face… :-/

(Source: fycso, via tobe-skinny)

My creative writing teacher asked me why all my poems are dark, she thinks I should write something that is happy… so i wrote her a happy, upbeat poem about a red bracelet that my friend made me to symbolize the rekindling of our friendship… little does she know, that poem wasn’t happy at all… that poem was the sad truth. 

My creative writing teacher asked me why all my poems are dark, she thinks I should write something that is happy… so i wrote her a happy, upbeat poem about a red bracelet that my friend made me to symbolize the rekindling of our friendship… little does she know, that poem wasn’t happy at all… that poem was the sad truth. 

(Source: blesstheweather, via anorexic-soul)

To wear see-through shirts and not have to worry about what people might see through them

To wear see-through shirts and not have to worry about what people might see through them

(Source: fortheloveofpretty.net, via fuckyouicanbefitter)

(Source: smileandstarve)

I knew there was a reason I loved this show… House just gets me 

I knew there was a reason I loved this show… House just gets me 

(via staticbones)

The better I look and the happier I seem… the worse I really am, because I’m trying so much harder to hide it all behind “I’m smiling so obviously, I’m fine”.

The better I look and the happier I seem… the worse I really am, because I’m trying so much harder to hide it all behind “I’m smiling so obviously, I’m fine”.

(Source: thefallofmonalisa, via staticbones)

This sums up my life. Last week in my AP Biology class we were given an assignment to fill out a daily food log for seven days… So obviously I made the majority of it up because putting down that I only eat around 500 cals a day would cause some commotion. When I turned it in some jerk in my  class picked up mine, flipped through it, and then said “how come if you eat less than me you are so disgustingly fat”. I went home sick… so here I am, at home, all alone, desperately trying to talk myself out of ending it all right now, because even though I know I will always lose, I can’t let him and all those like him know they have won. The only thing that is keeping me sane is the burning desire for revenge and that bitch inside my head that keeps screaming “PROOVE THEM ALL WRONG!!”
Well, I’ll show you sweetheart…. someday you will see what you all have done to me.

This sums up my life. Last week in my AP Biology class we were given an assignment to fill out a daily food log for seven days… So obviously I made the majority of it up because putting down that I only eat around 500 cals a day would cause some commotion. When I turned it in some jerk in my  class picked up mine, flipped through it, and then said “how come if you eat less than me you are so disgustingly fat”. I went home sick… so here I am, at home, all alone, desperately trying to talk myself out of ending it all right now, because even though I know I will always lose, I can’t let him and all those like him know they have won. The only thing that is keeping me sane is the burning desire for revenge and that bitch inside my head that keeps screaming “PROOVE THEM ALL WRONG!!”

Well, I’ll show you sweetheart…. someday you will see what you all have done to me.

(Source: desolate-destruction, via tobe-skinny)